If Only

I find, in times of stress or discomfort, that it's easy to slip into the "if only" mindset. If only we had more space, I would feel less penned in by all the toys and clutter. If only we lived closer to the boys' school I would feel less resentful about all the driving back and forth. If only Jeff traveled less. If only the boys were older. If only...

I know that the if onlys will never truly be the change I think may come. If we had more space, I'm sure we would fill it up with more stuff afterall! And then there was a big "if only" that came true - and life didn't change that much.

The other thing I think "if onlys" do is keep me from recognizing what I can change in the present moment. Of course I would love to walk the boys to school if we lived closer, but what about exploring carpools, or asking family to help out more, or even getting a babysitter for a few days a week? If onlys can get me stuck without looking at the bigger picture.

There is a quote from Deepak Chopra in this month's Oprah magazine: "The way we are educated in the West, everybody's looking toward the future. Which means they're never in the present. So when they arrive at the present it is not there for them, because they're not present for it."

I will still dare to dream big, but everytime I catch myself thinking "if only" I will stop for a moment. If only makes me think I need to wait to be happy - when I know relishing the present is the key to my happiness now.