Birthday Musings

Today I am 37. Marvelous, fabulous 37.

I think up until this year, I had a lot of unmet expectations. It's frustrating going through life like that. Filling my head with questions such as "Why didn't she even acknowledge the work I had done?" or "I can't believe he didn't even do that one simple thing!".

Change is coming for me, and has come. And I realized I've learned many things, but a couple nuggets are standing out for me this weekend.

1) Ask for what I want. It's pretty clear to me that one huge recipe for feeling disappointed is expecting the other person to know what I want. Don't all guys know that flowers on Valentine's Day are a must? And, if I really look at the truth of the matter, my expectations are a moving target. I may not have expected a wrapped gift last anniversary, but I want one this year. It's pretty hard to keep up with my own moving expectations, much less expect someone else to. So this year I've learned, and am continuing to learn, to ask for what I want.

I learned a hard truth about asking this year too. I asked my husband to do something important to me, and he didn't do it. And I realized that nothing irks me more than asking for something from someone, and not getting it. For a while, my desire lay like a brick on the floor between us, until I finally picked it up and put it away.

This is something I will continue to face - unmet desires and my unabashed irritation and even anger that erupts then.  Because the reality is that no one else can meet all of my needs, and if I am lucky, the people in my life can meet some of them. And when I know, in those moments of clarity, that I am not dependent on anyone else to make me happy, it feels pretty great. Which leads us to parties...

2) Create my own celebrations.  My boys have taught me this about celebrating for birthdays. For many months leading up to their big days they have spent time planning the theme, costumes, guest list, food, activities, and party favors for their birthdays (and their corresponding family party). The special birthday placemat is pulled out days before the actual date, and anticipation is everything.

So this year, much to my extended family's surprise, I planned a multi-day birthday celebration for myself. Friday night - earthquake premiere party with Jeff, my sister and her wife. Saturday - me time with yoga and the day off, with a great breakfast with my mom. Sunday - church, carnival parade, and bbq at my friend's house. Monday - massage and Giant's game with grandma & grandpa, sis and wife, husband and the kids. Nice huh?

And so, I felt extremely neutral when at 4:30 tonight Jeff asked me what I wanted to do for my family birthday party later this evening. I knew it was too late to shop and prepare dinner with the boys, so take out after they went to bed sounded great. The boys expected a cake, so Jeff whipped up a box mix while they watched a video. Had I not created my own celebration(s), tonight might have felt a bit lackluster but honestly it was just what it was. Some really special moments with the little guys punctuated by some of the usual bedtime pushbacks.

I bought a long-haired curly red wig for my birthday weekend extravaganza. I've had a great day today, and yesterday, and will tomorrow and the next. And I'm reminded of words from one of my favorite Dave Matthew's songs:

Celebrate we will. Cause life is short but sweet for certain.