How do you express your love?

I recently read a book that really changed the way I thought about the important relationships in my life. It's called The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. There have been many times recently when I haven't felt super connected to my husband, or when I've felt like I've been doing so much for our family or for him, but he hasn't even noticed.

And the funny thing is, I might be right. What if I'm spinning my wheels getting all the shopping done, and all he notices is a tired mama at the end of the day? Or vice versa, I recently told him that I'd rather that he *not* cook the kids a full, amazing breakfast before school if he didn't have time to clean up the dishes. I realized that I couldn't see his loving act of feeding the kids, all I saw was the dirty dishes still on the counter when I got home in the afternoon.

This is where this book comes in. Essentially Chapman's theory is that each of us has one or two "love languages" that really renew us and keep us feeling connected - Acts of Service, Quality Time, Physical Affection, Words of Affirmation, and Gifts.  We all need some of each of them - but there are certain ones, that if we don't get them, we won't feel filled up in the love our partner or family member or friend feels for us.

I think I'm a quality time lover. Give me a focused 15 minute conversation over a glass of wine, a night away, or firm plans for a future vacation and I'm feeling good. 

After thinking long and hard about it, I think Jeff is an "acts of service" guy. Hence the pledge of allegiance to laundry and dry cleaning I took in the last blog post. Maybe someday he'll read the book himself and tell me different, but for now - I'm focusing my energy on acts of service.

It's been interesting to think about this in relation to my kids too. My friend has told me that the author has written a "Love Languages of your Kids" book as well. In the meantime I've started to notice that Ben really thrives on the "special time" we've established each week. And Alex relishes physical affection so much that many nights he will insist on eating dinner on one of our laps.

I'd really encourage anyone who wants some more insight into their relationships to read this book - good stuff!

I've also changed the comments settings tonight so if you've tried to comment unsuccessfully in the past, please try again - I think I've taken down most of blogger's brick walls.