On Gratitude

Those of you who have joined us for a meal in the last two years or so know that before our family has dinner, we all go around the table and say what we are grateful for. I got this idea from Christine Carter's book "Raising Happiness" and its something that we talk about at church too - basically the idea that if you focus on what you are grateful for, you remember how much you do have, and you end up feeling happier. Aunt Hilary and Aunt Jennie added another element to the ritual - one night the boys fell into a quiet stupor at their house when a candle was lit - and from then on, we pass the candle and each boy looks forward to blowing it out on his night.

I think the key has been not making an issue of what is "right" or "wrong" to say in gratitude. Three-year-old Alex mostly says he is "Grateful for having dinner" but he is starting to surprise us by occasionally saying something really specific - like a visit from grandparents or a playdate with a friend. It helps me too, on even my most grumpy days, when I have to muster up something, anything! that I am grateful for - even if it's just a sunny day.

My grandmother Baba was the one who helped teach me the art and importance of thanking people. We got the message that a handwritten note was in order each Christmas and Birthdays if we wanted the bounty to continue.  And continue it did! I don't always get it right all the time, and sometimes I am weeks and even months late, but I do try to acknowledge gifts when they come, and do my best to be thankful.

What I've realized more recently is just how important it is to thank people for the work they do everyday, especially if it's meaningful to us. I finally wrote a email to a workshop organizer, telling her what I loved about the session, what I got out of it, and why. I could tell by her enthusiastic response that everyone loves to get a glimpse into the work they are doing in others' lives, and to feel like her hard work is appreciated. I wrote an even quicker email to Ben's teacher, expressing how thoughtful his approach was to celebrating birthdays as both a ritual and a way to encourage literacy. His spirited email back reminded me of the fact that teachers rarely get thanked, especially in the midst of their hard work day to day. And then, to our spouses. I gave Jeff a big hug tonight for working his butt off to prepare a birthday dinner to eat right when we walked in the door. And I know I never thank him enough, but I need to start trying harder.

And, when I remember, I fumble through my prayers to God - thanking God for my health, my family, and the things I name in the hope that I do not take them for granted.

What are you grateful for? How do you incorporate gratitude into your busy life?