Last Sunday I was really excited because some friends of ours came with us to church. I've experienced so much growth there, and the boys seem happy, that I always want to share it with other people.
We were all meeting the children's pastor when he dropped the "s bomb". I cringed inside. Yikes! And in front of my friends! I hope they don't think we're all fundamentalists... and the s bomb word? "Saved" - in the context that the mural artist who designed the room used to work for Disney, and then got s... you get the picture.
I've struggled with the saved word - it seems so binary to me - either you are, or you aren't - and my faith journey has been more of a winding path, with curves and hills and valleys. I don't hear the saved word thrown around much at our church, but it reminded me that I am really challenged there. At the last church I attended I was very comfortable. It was likely the most liberal denomination in the nation and I felt confident in the fact that everyone else believed exactly what I did. And there's the funny thing: I eventually drifted away because while it was okay, I wasn't being moved or challenged in a fundamental way.
Now each week the pastor poses questions (on a powerpoint screen, no less) at the end of each sermon to ask us all how we apply that week's theme to our lives. I've had some of the hardest and most heartfelt conversations in my small group, about gay people and the church, about whether I believe in heaven. I've had to really think about what I believe, and really listen, and come back again the next week to support each other in this faith journey. I am certainly not always comfortable, but I am growing in a profound way.
And the "s word"? I've come to meditate on the saying of Jesus "You have to lose your life to save it" and that's something I've come to see the power in.
Who or what challenges you to expand beyond your comfort zone when you are searching for the divine?
What would be the most uncomfortable thing for you to do? Step inside a church or synagogue? Do a silent meditation retreat? Talk to a friend about your spiritual life?
I can relate to the "s" word. It is binary thinking, and an incorrect notion in my humble opinion. Salvation in Hebrew is about wholeness. I think we're seeking wholeness and being the fullest we can be, and I certainly don't think we've arrived at the destination when we say some formulaic statement about Jesus Christ. It's strange too to divide the world into believers and nonbelievers. Ugh. I think one uncomfortable project that I'm entering into is being part of a team that is bringing a festival to Portland, a team that comprises a whole bunch of different types of followers of Jesus. Here's my bias: I don't want to be associated with "those" types of Christians. I think there is a fear of rejection- they will reject me because I'm gay, because I think differently than they do, etc. etc. But there is also the fear that I will be perceived as one who rejects others. Sigh. Hopefully I will be surprised.
ReplyDeleteIt's hard to admit this, but in this context, the hardest thing for me is to "come out" as an atheist. I find I'm often out of the mainstream in my views and it's an uncomfortable place to be. I'm afraid of losing friends...people who think we can't be friends because I'm not a believe in a higher power. Megan, I like that you posed the question of what poses a challenge to us. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteHilary, the festival sounds awesome. Send me the dates. I have the feeling that you are going to really be able to make some great connections in your work. I love your courage!
ReplyDeleteClarissa, It's funny I always feel in San Francisco like I'm the only one in my circle of friends who is a Christian. We did this diversity exercise at my preschool, answering the question "What are you?" with a partner, 50 or more times. It was intense, and afterwards I was shocked because I never once said I was a Christian. Clearly there was some deep fear there. I think this blog is my way of coming out too. I love your courage!
What are you? A woman, a mother, a wife, a grandmother, an artist, a friend, a shaman, a weaver, a printer, a knitter, a quilter, an explorer, a questioner, a supporter, a listener, a reader, a sewer, a teacher, a mystic, an elder(20), a senior, a crone, a wise woman, a traveler, a dyer, a theater goer, a swimmer, a lounger, a napper, a bargain shopper, a walker, a recovering alcoholic, a sponsee, a sponsor
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