On Fear

I used to dread taking showers. I would wonder just how much hair I would see trailing through my fingers with each pass I would take to rinse out my shampoo. I had a profound fear that I was losing more and more hair each day - a fear I would try to temper with opiismism and faith that things would get better and a generally distorted view of how much hair I had really lost (after all, I couldn't see that far in the back anyway!).

The amazing thing was that after I shaved my head - after being overcome by a profound sense of loss - a sense of relief settled over me. I didn't have to fear losing any more hair. It was already gone. There was freedom beyond explanation in that.

I think it can be the fear itself that can get toxic in our systems - paralyzing us even more than the event itself. Which is worse? A spouse cheating? Or months - even years? of insecure fear that the event may be taking place? A child with a broken arm? Or a child who fears climbing high or challenging herself because she is encircled by her parents' loving fear?

Pastor Terry of Cornerstone has spent many of the past few weeks talking about fear. In the story of Jairus, who appeals to Jesus on behalf of his gravely ill daughter, Jairus is told by friends of the family that his daughter is already dead. And Jesus' response is "Do not be afraid, only believe". Not - do not be sad, or do not grieve - because we will, and I believe God is there with us in that moment. But rather, don't get paralyzed or toxic from fear. http://cornerstone-sf.org/tv/detail/part-6-the-fear-that-all-is-lost/

I am still grieving the loss of my hair. But today I saw the baby owls for the first time this spring on the path to preschool, and one was stretching its wings on the edge of the nest. And I ducked into a store to get sunglasses for my new bald head and I cornered the next person to walk in for advice - and guess what? God sent me my own personal stylist (who picked out a wig for me today).

And I see the signs that God you are with me in this grief too. And now I love to take showers! And for baby owls, stylists, and more, I am profoundly grateful.

What fear in your life is preventing you from living fully? What would freedom from that fear look like?