To go deep, be in relationship

This week has been a whirlwind, a week full of blissful answered prayers and preparations for our closing and move to our new house. I have been profoundly grateful to God, and at the same time tired and stressed enough to keep realizing my need for God's grace (was that me screaming at the kids again?).

And so I wasn't really expecting God to give me a direct challenge.

I said before that I don't often hear God's still small voice in my head. But God uses other people with me to pound home the message. I ran into my neighbor in the hallway who has been in Wales for a number of months. He was talking about my church, and how he'd gotten to know some of the senior ministry staff there through some consulting he'd been doing with them on their property search. He had made true friendship with the church leadership he'd said, and then one day he asked them why, when he knew he was born gay, would they say God didn't love him the same as anyone else? If God created him this way, how could they think this would be wrong?

I'd never heard anyone in the church pulpit say anything overtly anti-gay, but to be honest I've feared going deeper in relationship with the church because if I went to the membership class and I heard something I didn't agree with I would have to make a choice: leave the church, or stay and step out of the shadows.

I've enjoyed the music and sermons and retreats and small groups, and I don't want to leave. But I've also been on the sidelines and haven't really stepped up to serve or get to know the pastoral staff.

The next day, just in case God thought I wasn't listening, the sermon that Luis gave was all about the early church teaching to the gentiles - a group that the early church leadership was firmly opposed to. Luis spoke about Peter's reluctant obedience to God and how it was the turning point in the early church and affected untold number of people.

I am reluctant God. I am uncomfortable. Are you sure I shouldn't be focusing in on my new house and all its abundance?

So, I know that some uncomfortable conversations are in my future, and even in my reluctance God will use me. I also know that to go deeper into anything important, the relationship usually comes first. It's time for me to step up and get more involved at church (sigh). It has been people at church, in my small groups and on retreat, who have challenged me in my faith so far and forced me to grow. And I know that growth will come from this too, reluctantly.