The (Grumpy!) Waiting Place

Yesterday I hit my grumpy low. I was tired, irritated at the kids, and just grumpy.

It took me a while to figure out - why the grumps?

I realized that this is a period of intense transition for me, and I'm anxious to get started. We've been on the road 10+ days now, and while I've been enjoying time with family and friends, I'm thinking about what's at home - projects unfinished and waiting to begin, and a job search and networking to launch. The worst part is that I've scheduled another two weeks away for the family right when we return. In my effort to savor the last summer of home-with-the-kids I think I might have scheduled us too much.

I read a good book this summer called "The Waiting Place - Learning to Appreciate Life's Little Delays" and in it the author talked about her journey - through a husband's breakdown, her kids' growth, and her own track toward career and writing.

I know that the Waiting Place is part of the plan. I need this time to mentally discern next steps, and have the growth I need to get there and be ready when I knock and the doors open. But I'm still grumpy about it now.

My son Alex asked me - how can Jesus be in everyone's bellies at the same time? And I can't hear God talking to me! - both good questions I told him.

I can't hear God in my head either, at least not that I realize. But every once in a while, a big bird shows up in an unexpected place. There was the time last winter when I stood four feet away from a red tailed hawk on a fence in the middle of San Francisco. And last week I saw a large heron on the lakeshore when I was out for a run. Then this morning I took a bike ride, and on the way back, in the irrigation ditch between a corn and a soybean field, I saw a large heron. I think God is showing up in these big birds when I need a little encouragement. "I'm here" I imagine God saying. "In the City. By the Lake. In the middle of a cornfield. I am here."

And especially in the grumpy waiting place.