The power of words

I met a new friend last night, Emily, who also has Alopecia. It was really refreshing to meet someone who knew exactly what I'd been going through, and talk a bit about our stories. She's been hairless for seven years.

We both agreed that one of the hardest things about being bald is that at least once, often multiple times a day (if we are not wearing a wig) someone will come up and ask us "So HOW are you?" or ask how long we've been in recovery. Last year a biker dude came up to Emily at a hotel and told her that he'd just lost his wife a year ago to cancer. It's hard to answer that question and acknowledge the sentiment without being too awkward. Usually I just blurt out "I don't have cancer. I have alopecia, it's an auto-immune thing." Though I don't think I would do that do the grieving biker. I might just accept his sympathy.

As we traded stories, Emily told me a story that really reminded me of the power of words, and made me really angry. She had seen the renowned expert on Alopecia in town after the sudden loss of all her hair. She was expecting a bit of medical insight, perhaps some sympathy and instead got scathing advice. "Look in the mirror," the doctor said. "I see a woman who needs botox." It's shameful that someone with her power would use her words to cut down a woman that is already feeling vulnerable.

Words don't have to be obviously biting to be hurtful. I know that I've made a comment before intending to be funny, only to realize that the joke I made to the man at church about shaving his legs was really in poor taste. It just came out! I learned a term for those words at a diversity training once - microaggressions.

The amazing thing is, we really have the power to affect people with our words. The people close to us, certainly, and even the people we run into once and have a conversation. My friend Larry regularly prays for "divine appointments" to speak with people about God and Jesus. That's way too scary for me, and it feels like I'm just surviving here instead of reaching out to others. But I am trying to be mindful that in each conversation I can leave a positive mark, or a negative one.

Maybe the next time I get the cancer question I'll say: "Thanks for asking. I have an autoimmune condition that made me lose my hair, but I don't have cancer, and I thank God every day for my health."