Supporting Change in Others

The TV has been an issue of negotiation for our family for a while. When we moved into our first place together, Jeff and I decided to put the TV into the office upstairs instead of the main living area. We had to go upstairs to watch TV, which meant that the kids weren't tempted as much, but the reality was that Jeff and I would huddle in the small office and watch shows at the end of the day, leaving the big room empty.

I've spent lots of the last year trying to convince Jeff that we could save lots of money by canceling the TV altogether and just watching things on the computer - hey between cable, tivo and netflix it really adds up! I slowly started watching TV less at night and reading more, though Jeff still often fell asleep in front of the TV before going to bed at night.

Even before we moved into our new place something shifted for me. I still didn't want tons of TV, but I pictured "movie nights" where our family cuddled up on a big sofa. I wanted live sports, so we could watch football and baseball and lounge around on the weekends (I have comforting memories of my Dad napping while watching football games).

Jeff, meanwhile, went from wanting a large 48 inch new flat-screen TV for our new living room, to not wanting any TV at all.

Somehow we both criss-crossed to opposite ends of the TV spectrum.

One of my dear high school friends Nicole has parents who have been married over fifty years - married as high school sweethearts. I remember her mom once told me that the key to their successful marriage was letting the other person change, and moving forward with that.

I am not sure where our family is going to land with the whole TV in the living room negotiation. But it reminded me that change is certain in the people we love, and part of being in relationship is expecting, acknowledging and supporting that change.

No one is stagnant - and I don't think that's the life that God wants for us anyhow. Not all change is good of course, but even good change can be uncomfortable for the rest of us while we negotiate this new reality in our relationship.

How do you support your partner in the changes s/he is making in their life?